The Darker Places
This post-partum depression has been tough. Even with all the measures I have taken to fight it, sometimes I wake up and just feel like I want to go back to bed. I hate the days that my attention is taken from Ruby and all I can think is of laying down and closing my eyes. The oppressive self-doubt and self-loathing have not resurfaced for a few months, but the lingering heaviness of getting through the day is still there.
I’ve been almost a gym addict lately and so when I didn’t want to go yesterday and didn’t really want to do anything, I was so grateful for a baby who craves sunlight and a friend who called me up to go to the park with her children and her. That really helped.
You can imagine my dismay when I woke up this morning and it was still there. Ugh. I didn’t even want to go to Zumba this morning, which is a big thing. We already paid for Mother’s Day out and I HAD TO get dressed to go to that, so I made myself put on my gym clothes. My senses were super dull as we began the class, but as we began to go through the steps and songs, the dark feeling disappeared. I am so grateful for this outlet that I have found.
I continue to pray for everything to regulate so that I am healed, but for now, I am just really having to employ self-discipline. What a tough time. I am thankful for Wes, Ruby, friends and family that make it easier to make it through.